Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
