Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
