rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
