Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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