Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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