I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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