Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
