Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
