Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
