hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
