My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
