Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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