what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
