so that wasnt chicken after all
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
