I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
