Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
handjob tips. give me some.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
