She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
40s are totally the cure
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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