Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
just found out that she named her cat after me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
