Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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