In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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