Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
