I wanna bring you to show and tell
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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