he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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