Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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