Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
