What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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