I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
