I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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