So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
