I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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