i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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