i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
