White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
