Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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