It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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