I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
