Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
