So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
