Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
