he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
