I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
