I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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