Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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