my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
