I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
