Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
