I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
