He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
