1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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