when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
