I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize