I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize