didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
