The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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