You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
