Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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