your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
