If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
