I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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