when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
