Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
