dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i now understand why vodka
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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