Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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