i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if only i could text you this smell
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
